i gradumacated!!! =) haha

hello cruel cruel world! =) hehehe

The following was sent to my small group as part of a "sharing chain cycle" thing Franny and Fi have set up... its kind of long and perhaps not all that interesting for most of you, but if you got nothing to do you might as well read it...

Hello Groupies!

Well sorry i didn't share on the 2nd like i was supposed to and even more sorry that i haven't been able to see you guys these past few weeks... its really been a crazy time for me as my university life is coming to an end with all the associated projects and presentations to boot... not to mention that it was my birthday along with a whole buncha others too... basically i am getting older and in a months time i will officially not be a student anymore and officially unemployed and hopefully eligible for social welfare... not that i would claim it, but it'd be nice to know it is an option... =P

Anyways i guess what i wanted to share with you all was just a little bit as to how i'm feeling about all of this... it is pretty crazy in way... being done with school and having to go out into the 'real world' and get a job... i've been so used to just slacking off and having a lot of free time... i mean for those of you who know me well, thats what probably defines me as a person! hahaha so it'll be kinda weird having to wake up early every morning and making that trek to work... but more than that WHERE WILL I BE WORKING?!

haha i guess its on the minds of a lot of people in my position... about to graduate and no job offers (maybe i should start applying first)... one can only wonder where they will go next and what is to become of them... and i guess i really am no different... i have no idea whats ahead and i have no idea where i will end up... i have all these 'ideal' situations i've made up in my head... which i guess doesn't make much sense since i have multiple ideas and i call them all ideals... anyways... the point is... i have certain desires and certain plans for my life... and moving forward i really don't know what is to become of them... my favorite verse for many years now has always been "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" Psalms 37:4... and no its not only my favorite because it is short and easy to remember... although that was a deciding factor perhaps...

moving on... i really like that verse because it reminds me what the path to success in life is... we live in a world that always tells you that you have to make it on your own... you define who you are and what you deserve and what you will have... if you go get an education and do this and that it will lead you to success... but what this verse says to me is... you may be able to earn quite a lot on your own... you can have wealth, popularity and even fame... you can be quite accomplished on your own... however, deep inside of you... you have some kind of desire that goes beyond what can be earned in this world... and it is this desire that is really important in life and this you can only get through Me... it is something i "give" you should you choose to delight yourself in me... sure going through all those motions are important and should not be neglected, but at the same time it all begins with your delight in me... do this and i will give, i will provide... maybe not an enormous amount of riches, but you will be happy and you shall not be in want... all the righteous (and truly important) desires of your heart will be met...

so yeah... i'm moving into this unknown, but i'm really not all that worried or stressed... sure i want to get a good job and make bajillionzzzzzzzz of dollazzzzz... but theres much more to that in life and whatever happens i know that i'll be alrights... might not get everything i want in my head, but hey its probably the best and what do i know anyways... haha "my heart rings truer" haha ignore that...

so yes... what is my exact point... i dun know... something about delighting yourself in the Lord as a priority and to not worry and stress about all this other stuff...

final point... dunno how many of you were there that night when i shared about how God has really made big decisions in my life easy for me... so clear that i basically had no other alternatives... i always said to God that i would go and/or do whatever He wanted me to so long as He made it clear to me... i am in that same position now... i am waiting for direction from God on where to go and what to do next and i really don't care what it is... He just has to show me in time... hopefully sooner than later, but hey when the time comes for me to know i will... some people think i'm a little unrealistic with my position... not being so active out there trying to make my own way... but i'll tell ya... patience truly is a virtue and although this may not be the best means for everybody, its the only way i know... i know God will provide and i want to be available and ready to go where and when He wants... heh so long as he makes it clear to me... haha

-matt

ps... if you read all this... you probably like to waste time as much as i do... =P

well... i really should be startin and finishin my assignment, but before i get to that i thought i would just get a few things out... nothing deep or whatever... just want to think outloud a bit thats all...

these next few weeks are really gonna be crazy... in fact in just over one months time i will be writing my final final exam and walking away from my schoolin years... well at least for a few years should i decide to go back and do my masters... but yeah it is pretty crazy for me... i can't believe that i'm done haha they are actually going to give me a degree! haha sometimes i really feel like i haven't done anything and i can't believe its all over... its all been such a blur... and as the end comes nearer and nearer and i'm forced to start hunting for work its all becoming more of a reality to me... i'm getting old!!! haha the real world isn't far away and soon enough my problems will span further than not having ate at 3pm yet because i was too lazy to go get some food...

this has been an interesting year for me though... having spent the majority of my time in australia and all, then coming back and having this term just blow by... although i must say, i think i have finally learnt what it is that i was supposed to learn being away... it came to me when i went boarding with my buddy ryan... it was cool to be up on the mountains with him and having the talks we did... known the guy since i was about 2 or something like that... its been 20 years!!! and i don't think either of us ever imagined seeing ourselves being where we are today... haha 22 in just over a week... crazy... it always seemed like an eternity away being done with school and everything... but anyways... the conversations we had really helped me put things into perspective... ryan always likes to ask a lot of questions i find... about life and whats next... and it really gave me a chance to think in a way i haven't in a long time... haha we were blowing down those runs and like i told him it was like we were racing to get back on that chair lift... haha not cuz we were gay and just couldn't get enough of our conversations but just cuz the conditions were made for that and to be honest we both got bored of boarding those runs haha the conversations were good though... i know i've just described the whole situation and now is when i am supposed to reveal to you all the extremely wise realization that i had come to, BUT i think i will save it for another time... but i will say this, basically you are to make the most of what you are and what you have... and thats life... you have to learn to appreciate and work with whatever it is you are and have... it really is quite simple... its much like things i have perhaps said and thought in the past but for some reason it all became so clear to me... with examples and illustrations to help... anyways...

this friday i have a grad dinner & dance shindig to go to... i don't particularly want to go and funny enough this will be my first (and last) commerce event i have ever attended haha but will be interesting to see all them peoples dressed up and fake smiling, shaking hands and "networking" with all them prettiest boys and gals all night haha *shrug* ain't nothing like commerce kids i'll tell you that... then we got Judy's bday on the saturday which should be a nice night out as well... then my second last week of school... my birthday and dinner on the Thursday... something but i dunno what on the Friday... then big dinner and outting on the Saturday with everyone which will probably be pretty nuts... then another dinner with some church kids on Sunday... then my last week of school which involves 3 term reports with final presentations, capped off by the massive arts county fair... which takes me into the finals month stretch... which really isn't bad this year at all... and yeah... thats that... gotta get all my job application stuff together during these next couple weeks too... *sigh* its gonna be a long few weeks...

everything for me is gonna be changing in the next little while... i'm excited though... this summer may be my last real one in a while... and all the madness will begin this weekend... heh time flies and its all just a blur sometimes...

well... its 4:43 am and yepppp i'm still up... =) I took a nap starting at 9 pm and kinda just woke up a couple hours ago from that so yeah... i'm good to be up for a little bit more... oh crap that reminds me to finish off my laundry... brb...

okay i'm back... so yeah what gets me to a postin' at this time of day (night)... i dunno... guess i've just been kinda busy of late with school and everything else and just haven't really had time to just sit back and relax a bit, think a bit... but now that i'm doing it its kinda interesting... here i am... middle of the night and what does the mighty mind have for ye to ponder...

i remember this last Sunday's sermon... about 0.5% of it that is... and what i remember is the pastor talking about his first born child that lived all of 10 hours... he said that at first he was mighty angry and what not at God and that he just couldn't understand this or that about why this sort of thing happened... but in retrospect he now says that although it is still painful to some degree he has no doubt in his mind that in those 10 hours that baby boy fulfilled his purpose in life... and so, in a sense... it was alright...

thats kind of interesting is it not?

and so how does that relate to me do you say... well while i am not angry or in a state of "oh my Lord, i just do not understand"... i am in a point in my life where i think forward and haha nothing but blanks... its kinda funny though... this is perhaps the first time in my life that i really just see nothing... i mean all the way up till university you know what and where you gonna be... as for life and how its lived yeah theres some uncertainty to that, but atleast you know where you'll be... i mean i only applied to one university so i guess haha that wasn't really that much of a choice... and now here i am... all but 3 months away from being done...

and so i think to myself... what next and whats the point? i think of life and i think of purpose... i wonder to myself whats the point of going through all the motions... i live, i eat, i sleep, i play around some, i eBay a bit, sleep some more, etc etc... i mean don't get me wrong i love my life haha its pretty awesome... i have a lot of fun... but still haha whats the point... i mean there is always that bring people to heaven with me life goal... and its still important, but at the same time i believe i have a set purpose and impact to have on peoples' lives and i just wonder how short or how long and when i'll be all done with that! hahaha heaven would be nice right about now... haha (i'm kinda cranky and missing aussie cuz school this term got so many on going projects, which means i always got some crap to do and yeah... i miss the slack ass life where i can just sleep all day... which makes me wonder... when does it end! hahaha)

work... in the next few months i'm going to have to make some major decisions in my life... i gotta start my work life... and while i do have all these plans in terms of how to save and invest while while working my short career and building a future business of my own... again i wonder... when will all this end, damnit! haha how long must i toil in life before i just get to rest... i'm not saying i just want the easy life... being some rich dude that just eats all day and sleeps all day... but in terms of purpose and all that too... when will my time be up... when can i just rest rest... not rest in physical body but rest my eternal soul...

there are so many uncertainties that lie ahead of me... so many lives to reach and interact with, so many tasks to complete... many more experiences to be had... parts of the world to see... but in the grand scheme of things, i just wonder... when will my purpose be fulfilled... when can i rest...

heh... then again... even if i knew... what difference would it really make? =)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

well i've been home a good week and a half now and i gotta say... it is pretty good to be home... been somewhat busy and what not though... with christmas and new years and everything in between... but its been really good... i've seen most of my buddies again and i'm feeling the cushy-ness of vancouver life... i love being in a place where everyone around you is a familiar face... its a lot of fun that way i think... so yeah i'm pretty happy to be back i think... looking foward to picking up some responsibility and just getting caught up on some real life... in a sense..

but yeah exchange... everyone i know is dying to hear back about my final thoughts on exchange... but you know... as i think back... on exchange and this whole year... it all has been such a blur... i remember being in away and doing a ton of stuff but man... it all seems so long ago already... and in a way it has been a while... i did leave aussie on the 6th of December... so yeah me going to hong kong and japan somewhat buffered the whole experience in terms of emotional feeling and ties... if i came straight home from aussie i think my feelings would be so different... one day in the daily life there, then BAM back to life here... that woulda been crazy i think... the comparisons and all that would be overwhelming, the missing of this and that so frequent etc etc... but nope... i went on vacation after leaving aussie and i got to catch up with old vancouver buddies and saw a buncha exchange students in their home towns and yeah... aussie... its all a blur at forethought...

i do think about aussie though... perhaps not as much as one would think... but i still do... its been hard in that i haven't really had much time to just chill and be alone and think since i've been back... but yeah... i think i really will miss aussie... when i think back to all the friends i've made and just chilling out at barker (the uni) apartments and seeing same dudes day in and day out... just sitting around or playing cricket with the ghetto, homemade, legs of a table bat... yeah those were some crazy times... or waking up and thinking "hey! today is drinkin day!" hahahaha every wednesday!!!! =) hahaha yeah i dunno lotta good times out there no doubt... i guess the best thing about it all though... is that i was able to just take a year out and be different... experienced a lot that i otherwise never would really have been able to... including things like being alone alone, ghetto bar-ing it with the white boys and south americans, drinkin 3 - 4 times a week for 3.5 months straight, walkin everywhere like i am a healthy boy, buyin a surfboard and not really using it, having absolutely nothing to do and other lovely stuff like that! hahaha =)

i really have no regrets about the whole experience... i feel like it was worthwhile all in all and that my time there was not spent in vain... i still believe i was there for a God-given purpose and whatever comes of that i may never know but its alright not to know sometimes... but i do have this peace in me to know that it wasn't in vain... and i really look foward to seeing everyone again one day... i am pretty certain that i will see most of not all of my closer friends from exchange again... canada/vancouver seems to be a relatively popular place to hit up and i intend to travel the world over in my collective future... so yeah i really look foward to those future encounters... till then i'm back here in vancouver... its been raining a lot but i love it here... most things are pretty much the same and it doesn't seem like i've changed all that much... sliding back into the groove of things pretty smoothly i think... still a ways to go though! so keep checkin back for em updates... till we meet again everyone... take cares!!! and have an awesome 2006!!!

CHEERS TO A FULL YEAR AT HOME WITH ALL MY BUDDIES!!! =)))